Lost in London

Figure 1. Lost, but happy...

This popped up on post-secret a few Sundays ago. It seems hauntingly relevant for me… I have never been so lost, and yet, I have never been so happy. I suppose I am not really lost, but I have no clue with what path to take or what direction is right, but regardless, I am at peace and have never been so happy. Thank you London.

So, as I stood over MY small sink in MY teeney cottagey kitchen in MY large and airy house in London – it hit me. I have no fucking idea what I am doing. I am completely lost. But in the same breath, I am light of heart and happy. I have risked it all and am feeling truly the little fishy in the big pond, yet feel like the world is at my fingertips and that I am blessed on a path to success. It is the strangest feeling in the world… To be so scared, so excited, so peaceful, and even a bit sad all in one go. Wow.

I love my house. It is AMAZING! And so homely. Filled with love and awesomeness. After we gave the landlady a good ear-bashing over the state we received it in, the gripes have been repaired and it is starting to fill out into a home. I even sat at the dining room table and looked out onto the street below as the cold rain pattered onto the window pane as the graying light of 4pm set in and it felt real. I am really here. I am in London.

It was a serious week of revelations… I also realized, no matter how down you feel, how homesick and afraid, you cannot help but crack a smile and bubble with excitement as you sit in the early evening darkness in your full-length, tailored coat on the top level of a double-decker bus and look out over the glittering, meandering Thames to see the historic architecture of magnificent buildings as they marry into the glass and steel of modern London and lights twinkle off the London-eye. It truly is a fabulous place. A fabulous, fabulous place.

Figure 2. You call it alcoholism, I call it therapy!

And then today – SURPRISE numerical reasoning test. I passed the practice test with 100% accuracy, but failed on time. The real test, well, I only answered 14 of the 18 questions. I had 17 minutes to complete the test. Does one get hired on a 60% performance? Doubtful. But, I had a wonderful weep over this situation. And feel a lot better. Also helped by my half price bottle of Rose wine!

Now for the goldfishies... (The exciting bit!)

Figure 3. Lie back and think of England!

On the Goldfish front… well, I have been sneaking up the scoreboard. I met this fishy off the dating website and went out for drinks on a Monday night… a LOT of drinks later and we stole a cheeky snog. Saw him again on Thursday and keep in “text” (that is British for SMS) contact all the time. Like this one, so being chilled and seeing how it goes.

I don’t have the BAM in me right now… But it hasn’t died out yet. I’m fighting the London battle, and I’m fighting hard.

Two things I always must remember:

1. 11. Nobody said it’d be easy; they just promised it’d be worth it.

2. 22. Whatever you do; do it as if the entire world was watching!

Giving it as much bam as I can...