Definitions of goldfish speak

Goldfish speak is somewhat similar to W-H-A-L-E; just a lot faster and with more glitter!!

Some of the basic terminology that is used to spice up conversations and generally confuse pepoles with which i communicate are:

• A Goldfish: (probably the single most important definition of this here blog) refers to a gay man. This is derived from my popping out of the closet and deciding that we needed code words to talk about gay men so as not to alert the authorities/parental parties to my sudden and somewhat un-surprising change in preferences. I was still surprised though. This code word was chosen as appropriate because gay men have the attention span of ... ooooo, look! shiny-shiny! ahhh! .... catch my drift! (also referred to as douchebags, idiots, losers, hotties, boyfriends etc, etc)
• Spamoni: the safe word. Used when someone is so-hott-rite-now that one must indulge in the use of a safe word to warn all other goldfish and the many women accompanying said goldfish of the impending pinging ovaries that they will receive upon viewing this fine specimen of man-candy.
• Khaki Retards (Pty) Ltd: the specimens - of which none are spamoni - in which I currently must undertake a 9-5 job with.
• Colossal: a word of epic proportions describing something so epic it is colossal and amazing and rays of the light of heaven shine down upon whatever this word refers while a chorus of angels chants awe-inspiring melodies in the background.
• BAM!: also seen as bam; but this format is rare. Another word so colossal it is just BAM! That's it. BAM! Used as, including but not limited to: a point of exclamation, hottness, out-of-proportion-ness, debauchery, directness
• Skippy: a TV kangaroo from the dreaded 90s era that saves everyone and offers invaluable advice that sounds somewhat like "Tsch Tsch Tsch" and can be loosely interpreted as "Back that thing up". Widely applicable to almost any situation one stumbles across. Terribly useful when one has no clue what to do but then says: "what would Skippy say?" - the answer: "Back that thing up!". Invaluable I tell you. Invaluable.

So now the terminology has been laid out and the fun can begin. I advise you to sit back. Buckle up. Take out the popcorn. Open the alcohol. And enjoy the ride!!!! Because damn, it's one hell of a ride! BAM!

:)